


Zoup!

by Nanika67



Series: This cursed fic is because of Shuckle and Saphi (#worstfriendsever) [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 11 pm writing, Crack, Crack Prompt, Crappy speed writing, Dean is So Done, Gabriel wants the D, I am so done, Lots of Cursing, M/M, Multiple Castiels, Sabriel - Freeform, Zoup!, dumb prompts, sam is sassy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2019-09-02 11:10:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16785796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nanika67/pseuds/Nanika67
Summary: The Trickster had found the Winchesters at the restaurant Zoup! in Idaho. Gabriel had appeared with a flourish and received a knife plunged into his chest as a greeting. He looked down at the holes in his chest and gave them a pouty look.“I would hate to cut and run, it’s so knife to be around you guys. All I want is a slice of life drama.” He snickered before taking the knife out of his chest





	1. Thiccc with 3 c’s

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts:  
> “Skin flute”  
> “hippity hoppity i’m Done with this fuckery”  
> “I’m gonna shove this salad up your ass if you don’t fuck off”  
> “Thick with three c’s”

The Trickster had found the Winchesters at the restaurant Zoup! in Idaho. Gabriel had appeared with a flourish and received a knife plunged into his chest as a greeting. He looked down at the holes in his chest and gave them a pouty look.

“I would hate to cut and run, it’s so knife to be around you guys. All I want is a slice of life drama.” He snickered before taking the knife out of his chest, not caring for the people milling around. The Trickster already concealed the booth from the public eye.

“What are you doing here you son of a bitch?” Dean growled while eyeing the knife now in the Trickster’s hand. Gabriel rolled his eyes and snapped the knife back into the man’s inner jacket pocket.

“I’m here for the tall water’s goods, doing the do, the horizontal tango, the deflower power.” The Trickster wiggled his eyebrows while Dean made a disgusted look. Sam huffed while stabbing the lettuce in his salad with the fork.

“You are not fucking me because I’m gonna shove this salad up your ass if you don’t fuck off.” Gabriel chuckled while snapping a raspberry pie into his hand with a fork appearing in his other hand.

“Kinky! Do tell me more, I’ll save it for my spank bank.” The blonde winked and the older Winchester gagged before reaching to pull the knife back out. Sam had stopped him with a look towards the people around them while Gabriel lounged in his booth.

“What, Deano? You don’t want some skin flute, a little Deanie time to blow some steam, some lovely time on your knees?” Dean slammed his hands on the table as he glared at the Trickster.

“We are leaving, come on Sam.” The older Winchester slide out of the booth, but the moment Sam tried to, he found he couldn’t move. Looking back at the Trickster, he scowled while crossing his arms.

“Hippity hoppity I’m done with this fuckery, enough with the innuendos, Gabriel.”

“Graze on my lips, and if those hills be dry, stray lower…” Gabriel winked before disappearing with a snap, taking Sam with him. Much to Dean’s dismay.

The two appeared in one of the Trickster’s many hideaways and the hunter was perplexed by how nice the place actually looked. He didn’t have time to admire everything because he was being dragged into the bedroom. He looked at Gabriel with an unamused look only to receive a faux-innocent smile before being tossed gently onto the bed.

“Come on Sammy, I want that D. I bet you’re thiccc, you know, like thick with three c’s.”

“You talk like that again, I will leave you with blue balls right here.”

“Aw come on, wouldn’t you like some sexy fun with me tonight?“ Gabriel whispered in the hunter’s ear while crawling up his body on the bed. Sam tilted his head while lifting his arms to wrap around the Trickster’s neck. He pulled Gabriel in close till their lips almost touched, and looked into his golden eyes.

“Not at all.” With that, Sam bit Gabriel’s lips before pulling him into a heated kiss. The hunter then shoved the archangel off the bed in a messy disarray of blankets and clothes. Laughing at Gabriel’s agape face, Sam took off running throughout Gabriel’s hideout.

The Trickster scrambled to his feet and found the Winchester in his living room. Sam had prayed to Castiel and stood in the colorful room with a wide grin. He winked at Gabriel before bowing, when he stood up he finger gunned the angel.

“Adios, till we meet again tee-rickster!” Sam called before disappearing with a laugh.


	2. sTReEt SmARtS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompts:  
> Candy cane shoved up Gabriel ass  
> “Street Smart”  
> “Yeet”  
> “Lengthy length”  
> “No Nutvember”  
> “Cum coo coo”  
> “It’S FUCKIN RAW”

It has been two weeks since Sam Winchester bopped out of his place and Gabriel was getting frustrated. The younger hunter looked interested, maybe he was being a cock tease or maybe Gabriel was just being extremely horny, probably all three if the archangel thought about it. 

The archangel spent his days not following the Winchesters if you ask him, but that was his opinion. Castiel may be on the highway to falling, but he knew a bullshitter when he saw one. The angel was in the back of the impala, giving an unimpressed look at his invisible brother sitting next to him. 

“Castiel, what the fuck are you staring at?” Dean frowned in the rear view mirror when he caught the angel’s glower. The angel didn’t respond, choosing to kick Gabriel hard in the shin. The archangel let out a pained yelp as he grabbed his leg, turning visible to the Winchesters.

“IT’S FUCKIN RAW! OW CASSIE!” Sam watched Gabriel screech at his brother while Dean rolled his eyes from the driver’s seat. “Saaaammy! Kiss it better.” Gabriel stuck his leg forward, ignoring Dean’s sputtering sounds.

“Dude! Get your leg outta here, I’m driving you crazy bastard!” Dean smacked the archangel’s leg as he tried to keep his eyes on the road. 

“Gabriel, if you don’t stop fucking around. I will shove a candy cane up your ass.” Sam gave the archangel a bitchface at the sudden commotion the archangel made.

“Do you promise?” The archangel gave a lewd wink before snapping himself out of the car.

The Winchesters and Castiel weren’t _graced by Gabriel’s magnificent presence_ until they retired to their recent hotel that night. The moment Sam opened the hotel door, he quickly duck at the flying projectile. 

“THIS BITCH EMPTY, YEET!” 

“Fuck you Gabriel!” Dean shouted as he got nailed in the face with a soda can, Gabriel’s crackles echoing inside the room. The Winchester threw the soda can right back but Gabriel simple deflected it with a flick of his hand. 

“No Nutvember was a long time ago Dean-o. I can cum coo coo whenever I want and with whoever I want.” The archangel gave Sam a flirtatious wink. “Trust me Sambo, this lengthy length is all proportional. I promise.”

The archangel snapped up a candy cane and began to slowly suck the sweet into his mouth. Gabriel twirled his tongue around the tip before sliding the whole cane into his mouth, never breaking eye contact with Sam.

“Dude! Stop eye fucking my brother!” Dean groan before turning to Castiel. “Can’t you get him to go fuck someone lady angel with big tits.”

“Oh I could do that alright.” Gabriel leered and with a snap, Sam’s body morphed into a women. His broad chest formed into breast and developed a slim figure. Sam’s clothes hung off of the smaller body and the Winchester scowled at Gabriel while trying to keep the flannel from slipping off her shoulders.

“Brother, you have a Sam fetish-”

“Gabriel, turn me back right now!”

The archangel held up his hands in mocking surrender as Sam and Castiel grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, shaking the archangel back and forth. Without a drop of shame, Gabriel's one hand dropped down and squeezed Sam’s newly acquainted breast. 

The slap to the face was predictable. Dean bent over behind Castiel and slip his shoe off. When the archangel was about open his mouth to say something snarky, the Winchester chuck the object straight at Gabriel’s face.

“STREET SMARTS! You are going to die!” Dean charged after Gabriel with a shotgun, getting a head start from the archangel’s reaction to being hit with a shoe. Suddenly Sam’s body changed back, the younger Winchester letting out a sigh of relief. Castiel simple observed the man he loved chasing after his brother with curses spilling from Dean’s lips.

“Time to take out the trash.” Sam watched Gabriel run past him. The Winchester stuck out a hand and swung the angel into a dip. Shoving his tongue in the archangel’s mouth, Sam pulled the last bits of the candy cane out of Gabriel’s mouth.

When Gabriel tried to follow back into his mouth, Sam bit down hard on the archangel’s tongue. Gabriel pulled away with a pained look and proceeded to get football styled tackled by Dean Winchester.

“Fucking angels!” With a snap, the archangel was gone again, leaving Dean sprawled on the ground.

Sam shook his head when suddenly he got a text message on his phone. Opening it up, the Winchester have a frown at the new message from Gabriel. ‘Zoup is turning the frogs gay lmao -G’


	3. The frogs arE COMING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompts:  
> "Can’t be gay if we’re wearing socks"  
> "Dean-o did a oopsie"  
> "Subscribe to pewdiepie you slut"  
> "The frogs arE COMING"  
> "Now that's a gangbang"

Gabriel began to text Sam constantly over the next week to the point where Sam decided to mute him. The hunter thought about blocking the number but he was unsure on if Gabriel would counter it by giving him boobs again.

“What are you doing, you look constipated.” Dean retorted from where he was sitting, loading a shotgun for the current Winchester hunt.

“Gabriel has been texting me, I’m debating blocking him.” Sam responded as his thumb hovered over the blocked option.

“Hell yes! Here, I’ll even do it for you. Serves that weird fucker right.” Dean stormed over and pulled the phone out of Sam’s hands. “On behalf of my sanity and Sam’s virgin ass, I now pronounce him blocked and deleted. He may now, kiss my ass.”

The older Winchester triumphantly pressed the block button before tossing Sam’s phone back to him. Suddenly Dean’s phone began to ring in his back pocket and Sam warily raised an eyebrow. Dean cautiously pulled out the phone and picked it up to his ear with a gruff tone.

“Hello?”

“Subscribe to pewdiepie you slut!!”

“Fucking hell! Gabriel, you sadistic bastard!” Dean cringed at the loud voice screeching in his ear. Sam rolled his eyes and huffed at the laughter of the trickster on the phone.

“But, like, seriously. Subscribe or your angel goes poof poof.”

“Like hell! Stay away from Cas, midget.” Dean scowled as he raised the middle finger, despite Gabriel not being in the room.

“Dean, I require your assistance. I think I found the witch.” Castiel walked in at that moment with a take-out bag in his hand. Sam swore he could hear the lightbulb going off over Gabriel’s head through the phone.

“Cassie, dearest! Is that you? Dean-o did a oopsie so I decided that he gets the frogs.” Gabriel crackled.

“The fr-what?” Dean frowned as he turned to Castiel for an answer.

“The frogs, Dean-o! The frogs arE COMING.” The phone suddenly cut off Gabriel’s maniac laughter and left the room in silence. The Winchesters looked at each other before turning to Castiel with leveled looks.

“I think you need a new brother, Castiel.”

“Why would I need that? I have multiple brethren.” Castiel looked at the two with confusion all over his face as he sat down by the kitchen table.

“Indeed, Gabriel is incorrigible at times but he has good traits...I think.”

The Winchesters and Castiel quickly looked to the new voice in their motel. The hunters’ eyes widen in shock at another Castiel standing before them with a confused tilt. Castiel observed the new double before shaking his head.

“Gabriel. Always being a pain, I believe this will be over soon.”

Sam stared flabberghasted at yet another Castiel sitting on the bed where there was no one before. Eventually, the motel room ended up with six Castiels all standing awkwardly in the room with two hunters. 

Sam desperately hopped Gabriel wouldn’t make things worse as he carefully watched Dean’s reaction to the spontaneous archangel. Even with pure dumb Winchester luck on his side, no one listened to him. 

“Now that's a gangbang,” Gabriel sauntered in with a wide grin on his face in booty shorts and knee-high socks. “If only Deanie-Weanie had the balls to do it.”

“Fuck you, Gabriel.” Dean growled before lunging.

“Ah, ah, ah!” Gabriel grinned as the hunter ran into a invisible wall. “You're supposed to be fucking him.” 

The archangel gestured loosely to the multiple Castiels watching with neutral stares. Sam sighed and stood up from his chair. He pushed Dean aside and got up in the archangel’s face, before flicking him hard between the eyes.

“Ow!”

“Stop being a little shit, you gay fuck.” Sam deadpanned.

“Can’t be gay if we’re wearing socks, honey.”

Gabriel knew he could’ve prevented the punch to the face, but if he was honest which is very rare. He loved the view under Sam Winchester, hot enough to kill all the fans on tumblr. Although, Sam had to forcefully step on the archangel before he relented and turn everything back. That wasn’t as fun, but it did give the archangel ideas for the next time. He wondered how the Winchester would feel in stilettos.

**Author's Note:**

> This is all because of saphi and our third friend Shuckle. This 11pm crack written sabriel fic was from those two demons and my pride. Behold, it is now a fic that has come to life regrettably.


End file.
